the things you never wanted to know.

I AM

2009-09-16T02:33:09Z

On Top Of The World!

Running through the fields where all my tracks can be concealed...

2009-08-24T19:26:04Z

...&there's no where to go.
Lalaala :)

I don't think I've ever felt so content in my entire life.
Thank you, karma! I'm free! i'm finally fucking free!
No more burdens. demons, secrets, enemies, nothin'!
I love the way things are going for me right now.

I've got a couple mainss: Will Seguin & Aaron Daly. Love you guyss<333333

Good first day of school.
MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!!
:D

:)

2009-07-23T04:50:43Z

You still give me butterflies.
A&F
<3333

Scar Tissue

2009-07-23T01:04:50Z

is changing my life with every word I read.
Anthony Kiedis is completely beyond inspirational.
Thank you Michael Bozzo for making me promise you that I would read his story.
He reminds me a lot about you, to be honest.
I think that's why I have such an interest in him.

To anyone who knows Chris Lameo,
...........................................................he's mine. :) <333

Today when I woke up

2009-07-07T19:22:34Z

I made a phone call that I sort of wish I didn't.
I've been fucking up bad. I almost lost my job(again), I haven't gone to school in over a month, shit ain't too sweet with a lot of people anymore.
I feel my life caving again and today has just been the most miserable realization ever.

Strike two, Miranda.

To the one who claims to be my "best friend".

2009-07-07T05:03:29Z

I don't understand how you could ever consider yourself to be my best friend. Among all of the people I've ever met in my life, you've by far treated me the absolute worst. You've lied to my face too many times to count, you've cheated on me, stabbed me in the back more times than I can remember, you just overall have only straight up fucked me over. The only reason I could even talk to you with any sort of respect is because of our drug induced schemes. That's all you're about. You abuse massive amounts of anything on the daily just to make yourself feel like some sort of a human being. I could almost consider you a monster. You can't hide behind getting fucked up forever. Then what? Every time you tell me you love me, you want to marry me, we're going to live happy with children one day, no matter what I was always the one, I smile and go along with it to keep you content. You want to know what's really going on in my head? "YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT!" that's the one thing always popping into my head when you speak to me. I have absolutely no trust or respect for you. I've tried for too long and have wasted too much to try to be there for you NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH. You don't appreciate a damn thing. I couldn't even begin to explain how fucked up you've made me over the four years. I've driven myself insane just thinking about you. I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to be pushed around and taken advantage of.
Bottom line: You're never going to change & I give up.

Drugs, drugs, drugsss.

2009-06-29T18:02:03Z

Hey. Yeah, you there.
I was just wondering if you're going to keep drugs the most important thing in your life forever.
You are? Haha Why doesn't that surprise me.
It's ok, I'm not one to point fingers.
I mean yeah, I have my priorities in line and everything while you don't, but that's just ok, isn't it?
Yeah mann, it's always just ok. :)

WHO CARES, RIGHT!?

I've had an interesting couple of dayss.
I love my life. No lie. <333

miranda_is_radd @ 2009-06-24T20:25:00

2009-06-25T03:28:07Z

I just stopped crying.
Yep, I saw it coming.
"I'm gonna change, ok?"
No, not ok. You know why?
Because you're never going to change. You're never going to grow up and realize that the ones "bitching" at you all of the time are actually, the only people who really care about you and where you're going to end up.
The way I see it, it's not anywhere near good.

<333333

2009-06-12T01:29:12Z

I am leaving for D.C. tomorrow, niggaaa!!!!

I can't even begin to explain to you how happy I am right now!!!!
:D
I got to chill with Michael today for a couple of hours. It's the first time I've seen that cute face in 6 fucking monthss!
I swearrr, I'm invincible when I'm with him. 4 years and stilll at it!<3
Now I know why people write cute lil' love songs and cry to chick flicks.
He gave me his journal from when he was in there.
A bunch of entries, poems and songs...and a story.
I've read everything but the story. I promised him I would wait till I'm on my way to Washington D.C to read it.
Temptation is killingg meee!!!!!

Aghh! I'm just so overwhelmed with so many positive thingss.
I don't ever want this feeling to go away.
& to think, I'm completely sober. :)

Holy shitt!

2009-06-10T00:05:22Z

Michael comes home tomorrow! :D
I can't waitt!!!!!!

I leave the day after for Washington D.C. nigga!
Anddd lasttt day of school tomorrow!
This week is hella crayyzzzeee!
:DDDD

Counting down the dayss...

2009-05-15T02:37:57Z

Untill school is over.
Untill Michael comes home.
Untill I get over that fucking douche bag(D.S).

Till then, let'ss partyy!!!
:)

Changesss

2009-04-16T03:46:44Z

I'm no longer a student at South Fort Myers High School!
I withdrew a couple of weeks ago.
I just started at Coronado. =/
It's interestingg. lol
At least I got Doug! =D

I got a lott on muh mind.
Whatev. Laterrr.

I may not be

2009-03-29T06:07:10Z

the prettiest,
the skinniest,
the smartest,
or the nicest at times,
but I can assure you that nobody in this entire planet will love you as much as I do

=/
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aside from ^^other things:

I miss Tylerr!!!!
So so much. :(
I sent him the last $5 I had to my name so hopefully he can be a bit comfy in jail.

I think John's coming down in April.

I'm going around in circlesss againnn with Fuckin' D-Boyy Fre$hhh! <<< lol?
I hate him.......</3
>:(

:(

2009-03-03T04:00:02Z

Shit has been so weird lately.
I miss him more than anything. :(
why am I so weak around him?
I let him get the best of me and it ruins my day every time.

Something needs to happen. I need help.
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momma's birfday.

2008-09-24T23:42:02Z

Yeah, and she's out with her boy friend.
Whateverrr.

I'm starting to come ot realize that this whole situation is going to drive me to the point of insanity.
If it already hasn't...

Good news:
I'M GOING TO SEE GYM CLASS HEROES IN 2 WEEKS, NIGGAAA!!!!!!
Then, Halloween Horror Nightss Oct. 18th!!!!
Then, Chiodos Nov. 1st!!!!!
Dude, I'm so stokedd!!!!!
:DDDDD <33333333333

September 20, 2008

2008-09-21T00:15:19Z

Today's my daddy's brifday! :)
I'm getting him some new shoes. lol

Oh& I decided on what I'm going to do.
Fuck itt mann. Shit's just not worth it anymore.
I finally cleared up my head and it's all good.
I'm back to mah ol' self & it feels great!!!
:D <33333

Torn.

2008-09-11T01:06:23Z

These past 3 days have been total emotional hell.
I don't know if it's because I'm PMSing or if it's just because I've been staying at my mom's house.
Neither one is usually this bad.
My head has been so messed up lately.
I hate the realization of things.
I don't know what I want or how to figure out what I want.
The fact that I'm so bipolar about everything doesn't quite help either.

On a positive note.
I'm pretty sure me and Alexis and Heather are set friends again, which makes me really happy.
I always have fun with them.

Another thing, I need to lay of on smoking so much.
It's to the point where I have to smoke every day in order to feel any better.
It helps, but it's not what I want to become.
I don't want to become a total burnout.
But, dammit weed is such a good thing.
:/

Dammit!

2008-09-05T00:43:59Z

I just got a text from John saying that he might have to go to jail for a few days!
WTF!! Fucking cops and their bullshit laws.
I hate em'! I don't want my baby going to jail. :(((((((
Ugh! I need to be cheered up.

Haha I'm watching Rocket Power. :)
I know, I know. I'm cool.

miranda_is_radd @ 2008-08-28T21:51:00

2008-08-29T01:59:44Z

You know what I've been thinking of lately?
I want to start a new life for myself. Like, start over.
No beef with people, no drama, no missing anybody, no regrets, no more hiding,just no more anything.
I want become a totally, brand new Miranda.
Just an entirely new person, a new me.
Sort of like a butterfly.

I need opinions. Be honest.
What do I need to change to become a better person?
What should I do? Where do I start?
But, don't anybody mention anything about smoking.
Cause, that's just not going to change. :)

Dude, Flubber is a great movie!

10:53pm.

2008-08-22T02:59:46Z

I'm tired, bored, and sort of thirsty.
My doggie is being super cute! lol

Well, this "war" thing between my and Liah is pretty bogus and unnecessary if you ask me.
I'm in a pretty decent mood for the time being.
I've been really happy at school for some reason. Weird.
Well, this is just a quick post before I go to bed.
OHH!!!! &MY BIRTHDAY IS ON MONDAY(August 25th)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get me somthin'!!!!!!!!#@^%(*&^^^$&)~~!!!
:D G'nightt! <3333333

1st day.

2008-08-19T02:57:33Z

So, my first day of school wasn't too bad. I saw a lot of people I missed waayyy more than I thought.
My classes and teachers are pretty strange. It's going to be a hard year. :/
I already have fucking home work! Pretty lame.

Well, I guess Bryan's little girlfriend dumped him again. I miss having him as a friend.
He's such an asshole though. Unless he seriously apologizes big time(which he probably won't), I don't see us being friends again. Which is really lame because we were pretty close...sorta.
This may seem really mean and selfish, but I hope he's hurting bad right now.
He hurt me when he said that shit.
He had his girlfriend tell me that he's not allowed to talk to me any more.
&so because he only cared about getting laid, he was oblivious to everything else around him.
He's going to end up sad and lonely and he can't say I didn't say so.

On another note,
John has totally turned himself around these past few days. He's been so sweet and funny and nice and I love it!!!
I really hope it stays this way. I'm so much happier with him when he's like that. :)

August 17, 2008

2008-08-17T22:52:40Z

Just got home from Orlando. I'm so incredibly tired and cranky.
I'm not in the best mood. My boyfriend said that I was a bitch for no reson.
Whatever, he can have fun doing all he cares about with those girls.
His priorities are so screwed. I hate it.
&He thinks sending me mean text messages will get me to talk so him. Psshh!
Very doubtful. Ugh, I'm so pissed.

School starts tomorrow. I'm not really looking foward to it as much as I thought I was.
I'm going to have to face those people sooner or later.
I'm scared. I'm nervous. I don't want this year to be like last.
I want to pass oll of my classes and I don't want to hurt anybody.
Wish me luck?

Ranting on...

2008-08-10T22:04:06Z

Well, I'm writing this in hope that I'll actually get through to someone, anyone...
Even if I don't know you, I need someone to listen to me.

I feel like all I do is cry for help. It's pathetic. I'm always complaining how I have no one to talk to. Nobody will listen to me. The only people I've ever felt I could trust or open up to left me. Two of them are dead, two of them are too busy doing their own thing, one doesn't really talk to me anymore and the other one doesn't live in the same fucking state anymore! Yeah, I've only really trusted 6 people in my entire life and I fucking lost all of them. That makes me feel just great. I really, really wish I had a best friend to tell everything to. I can't hold it in any more. I'm to the point to where I'll take anyone who will listen to me. I'm sick of having to write things down. I'm done with censoring my thoughts. I should be able to have someone that I can go to for anything. Someone that will just sit there and listen to what I have to say and not judge me for whatever it is. I need some body to run to for advice. I want someone that will call me up and just see how my day was or want to hang out or something. I hate the feeling of having nowhere to turn when I need help. I'm tired of having to deal with everything alone. I'm a strong person, but every one needs support sometimes. I'm so serious when I say I want someone to know everything about me. All my favorites, little things that I do, things that get me to smile. Everything, anything!
Hey, I bet you didn't know this. My all time favorite thing to do is horse back riding. Yeah, that's right. I grew up around them. I've been riding since I was fucking 3 for Christ's sake! But yeah, nobody cares enough to want to know me, or who I am, or what I like.
I'm always the one to ask a million questions about a person because I'm interested in what they have to say.
I never get asked about anything! Nobody has been that interested in me, I guess. It just really sucks.
I'm one of those people who want to know as much as I can about a person. If I don't understand why a person does something or what someone is trying to say, I try to figure out why or I'll ask them about it so I can find out what I want to know.
You wanna know something else? Probably not, but I'll tell you anyway.
I want to become a psychologist. Yeah, that's right. A mind doctor. Someone who knows or can figure out how the mind works. I think I'll be damn good at it too!
I'm always the one people turn to with their problems and I'm always there for them. I hate how I don't have that kind of friend. I could go on and on all day....

This was probably pointless.
How depressing. :(

Hey, do me a favor. Tell me if you cared or were interested enough to actually read all of this.

Summer.

2008-08-04T04:46:48Z

Well, summer's almost over.
I've almost accomplished nothing the entire time.
It came to realization to me the other day that I'm not as content as I thought I was.
I feel like there's a lot of pieces missing.
These past few days, I've found a couple of them, but I can't exactly keep them for myself.
I want to be able to have them so bad.

I hate being treated like I'm some convicted felon. Like, I'm always up to something.
I would never want to hurt you.
I don't try to. You hurt me a lot, but I always look past it.
It's to the point to where there's no more room for it to build up.
It's so hard to talk to you. It really upsets me.
I'm so sensitive towards you and what you say to me.
I'm just not used to this type of relationship.
I was never the one to back down. You pushed me into a little corner to where I feel helpless.
I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to say what I want to say.

I wish somebody would sincerely care about me and what I have to say.
Cause, I have a lot on my mind...

miranda_is_radd @ 2008-07-23T16:53:00

2008-07-23T21:07:10Z

Dude, I hate it when things change for the worst between people who deserve better.
I hope this isn't the beginning of a landslide.
I'm going to try my hardest to make things better.
We're going to make a good story. I just know it.